And then he told me he had the vodka, but he was still in line at WIC for the juice.
I just saw the host of Singled Out do standup. Holy shit 1995.
Just found out that I was singing john legend songs as I threw up last night. Quality.
chinese tourists just took a picture of me....im pretty sure i heard the bus drive say something about shame.
you grabbed the waitors dick and yelled '2nd base' and then he gave you his number. I hate your life.
It's official. The summoning powers of my vagina are unmatched by anything in this world.
He's cheating on his wife, and he's judging me for eating McDonalds
you were trying to control your nosebleed while having someone hold your four loko while you drank it through a straw. all at the same time. that is commitment.
FULL ON LADY WOOD. YOU CAN SEE THE VEIN
Stop touching yourself.
Wtf!?!?!?! Did you install a camera???
I can control the tv with my phone while pooping on the second floor. I thought you should know for future reference
I've just been thinking about sangria a lot lately, like an adult.
I don't think I have face palmed that many times in such a short period. And I've worked tech support.
That's right. I just LL Cool J'ed you up in this bitch. Zero fucks.
Is it bad that I like to have a guy to flirt with in every class? I feel like it's excellent motivation: to shave, to shower and to show up.
Randomize
