All I've ever wanted to do in life is right
Maybe you should learn how to spell write first
tonight is proof that a xbox 360 will always be more reliable than a girl ever will
and a girl gets the red ring of death every month
i turned job hunting into a drinking game..
I wonder what it would be like to go to the dry cleaners and not have to inform them that all my clothes are stained with booze.
Another night, another sound of my neighbor almost having an orgasm.
And she used to have such long ones. Sad.
please dont pick me up from the airport dressed like a terrorist.
Thats why you always identify the subtext of a blowjob before you accept it.
he handed me my panties in front of my date. turns out he wasn't that mad.
I am lonely and I want to touch your beard
tonight were gonna drink champagne and watch girls put themselves in awkward position
For future reference.... When you take a beer out of a 6pack... You don't insert your phone as a substitute.
There is a guy here calling himself the pants less weed fairy
sober me is the one who makes bad decisions every boyfriend I've ever had I met sober
The man at the checkout said "Somebody's not fucking around".
It's gonna be a good night
I dunno what to tell you sport. Short of having a shock collar on, you're gonna wanna hook up with people.
Randomize
