i dont have any money that hasnt already been designated for cigarettes and birth control
Don't worry. I just took 2 benadryls and beat off. I'm practically sleep texting
its freezing days like this when i seriously consider littering to speed up the global warming processes.
I just wanna go home eat some pizza rolls, get warm and jerk off, and it's only 845. This shit was supposed to make me see unicorns. Not cry
He passes out, I smoke his kush. All's fair in love and a disappointing lack of sex.
She kept telling me to calm down. I was on the floor with my eyes shut, not moving. In levels of calm I was one step above coma patient
Codeine + Boredom = Sprinting between my front and back door.
I'm okay. We got a prayer rug sent to us with the face of jesus on it. From Tulsa Oklahoma. Kinda weird.
She's crying about either her ex boyfriend, her one night stand, or her own puke. None of those is worth the tears.
Body shots with my MILFs MILF!!
All I did was send my mom an ecard
I should become a firefighter. Who uses his cock to fight fires. Like a Superhero.
SHE'S PREGNANT AS SHIT, AND I JUSR PEELED A CLEMENTINE TO CHASE SHOTS WITH!! COULD LIFE GET ANY BETTER!?
Turns out he's not a Doctor Who fan, I mumbled Alons-y as I went down on him. He asked who Alan was. No more drunk sex for me!
Your phone just changed "liver" to "liquor" how dose that make you feel
We laughed, we cried, we fucked, we shirked our familial and work related responsibilities. They could make a movie about the last 40 hours of our lives.
Randomize