I'd steal beers with my tail. If I were a monkey.
Since when does sleeping with your RA not result in free meal swipes? I feel so tricked...
in hindsight, the duct tape banana hammock was a bad idea.
He's crying and calling me out on using him. It's awful. And I'm too drunk to leave.
I found him CRAWLING across the garden. He saw me,smiled,and asked for a napkin.
This football player keeps talking about his drunk dad. I think he may start crying. Does this deserve a roll tide?
I'm beginning to think that women just have dogs at home as an excuse to leave ASAP after hooking up, without sounding like a typical guy.
cops tried arresting me on the way to class this morning.. this is my life.
No one likes wet exercise unless it's vigorous sex in the shower
I think "we've never met sober" is a great relationship to have with someone
But truly, sorry about your empty vagina
Thanks boo.
We just finished having sex and as soon as we get out of bed he yells "trust fall" and runs me over
This is not a test of the emergency warning system. He has broken my vagina. I repeat he has broken my vagina. Damn it was good.
No way man ... This is real life. Complete sentences and everything.
i just want to cuddle, make out and maybe have a boob grabbed but no. someone has to have mono.
Randomize