Haha Tomato, Tomato. That doesn't work very well via text message.
how do i word it so it doesnt sound like im asking him if he has ever been in jail.
yup, got lost on my way to the final. maybe i should have gone to this class all semester
I just googled if crying burns calories
We all know tonight is going to end like every other night with you. drunk, pantless and confused. Dont try to switch things up.
She was standing in the road flagging traffic in a tshirt and boxers. I didn't stop.
All she wanted was a cigarette
I feel like I have African malaria. I just remembered singing Teenage Dream in full to that biker couple at the bar.
If a man doesnt have the ability to fuck you well on a small climbing wall, I don't think he deserves you.
Those titties aren't worth a lifetime of listening to her talk about gluten free yams and japanese manga.
Cops just came and got two guys out of my class. I can't do college. Seriously cannot rage at this school anymore.
You should make a checklist to ensure they are quality material. Here's mine: wearing shoes, not drunk, very hot, has teeth, speaks english. You never know
party devolved into two exes battling with Cal's tiki torches, and the lawn being set on fire kinda sorta and then we all hula'ed... hulaed?
You used your chihuahua as a pillow screaming "HE'S A PILLOW AND A PET" and proceeded to puke in the dog bed
Wanna get drunk and make some bad decisions?
Are you calling me a bad decision?
In hindsight, maybe rearranging his living room because he has OCD while he was out wasnt the greatest idea. Though it'll keep him busy for HOURS
Randomize