yeah it's now facebook official. i can no longer pretend shes my girl on the side
I'm still with the girl from last night. remember to call me conrad and that i work for PETA
is wine microwaveable?
I love her so much that if I could have sex with her I wouldn't cuz my dick would feel out of place in such a perfect body/vagina
we used the bottom of a tampon for coke since no one had a 20 on them. My life has resisted to this.
It hurts to peel the glue off my chest and i keep finding glitter in my hair.
I just wanted to decorate you...
Can we talk about the fact that I plucked weed off your ass this morning like it's a normal thing to do?
You kept whispering "Party Dave" every time someone would start talking.
But seriously. What possible excuse could I come up with to ditch my parents on Christmas to go fuck him?
Momentum is force x velocity. So therefore velocity is 0 - hammered, and force is ur legs locked up and ur face hits the ground.
I felt paralized they just wouldnt move. We need segways when were drunk cuz if we start to fall forward they well take off and save the fall.
I threw up vodka and borscht. I'm done with life...I threw this up in a McDonald's bathroom btw.
Well I found my neighbors on tinder if you're wondering how my night went
I just matched the dude who's car I rear ended 2 years ago on tinder. I don't think he remembers.
Had a dick customer and the words "eat my ass" slipped out. He proceeded to lick his lips and say present it. I think it's time I quit.
I basically spent the entire weekend in bed with that red head.Every time I tried to leave she got me too horny to think straight. I was kidnapped by vagina
Randomize
