Katy Perry is on a Proactiv commercial. That "I kissed a girl" shit is so much less hot now.
we can't become the bulimic house in the complex dude. Besides, you need teeth for your career.
There is tupperware vodka. thats right tupperwares full of vodka. best leftovers ever
Repeat. Dildo on the ceiling, confiscated potato shooter, and bottle of yegger. Repeat. Ceiling dildo and yegger.
Currently siting in the living room naked, staring at one of the girls across the street in her living room naked. This is like the most intense starting contest of all time.
If throwing a bottle across the bar, hitting a skank in the head and not getting caught was an Olympic event, you'd bring merica the gold every time
I just passed a kid trying to leave on a lawn mower
I'm at an awkward stage of not being able to tell if I wanna keep having fun or if I need to die in bed
I don't know what happened this summer, I've lost my sense of morality. All I do now is work, get drunk, and have sex near national landmarks.
The guy who's car I hit last night just followed me on Twitter...not sure how to feel about it.
And I'm glad you're waiting to invite him over. he may have a weird penis thing and then dinner becomes awkward.
Somewhere out there, on several phones belonging to strangers, exists a video of me rapping Baby Got Back on stage in four inch heels that I stole from the drag queen. Also I made out with the chick with the octopus tattoo.
You have the best birthdays
Made eye contact with his twin sister the day after he gave me a lifechanging blowjob. Do you think she knows?
He has a penis. Therefore, he counts.
You tried to eat your way through the wall. Like you literally tried to eat drywall and insulation.
Randomize