Please tell me how I woke up out in the middle of nowhere wearing nothing but a hard hat and a man thong?
Make me a promise>>> if you ever see the brats from that tv show NYC Prep walking around, you will trip them, and you wil throw drinks on them
You can't date a girl from every country.
I'm the captain planet of women
Well, shes famous, an alcoholic, hillarious, and has big boobs.... Pretty much my only aspirations in life.
hows that letter of apology to the waitress at waffle house coming?
Hahaha alright after 5 shots I'm not allowed to touch glass or boys with girlfriends.
Having a race with the dryer. Seeing who can get drunk/dry clothes faster.
Before I roll over explain to me why you're naked and on my floor.
Do you know how hard it is to was the scent of sex from your hair in a gas station bathroom?!
The condition was that I had to eat her out to Beethoven
Pounded a bottle of Moscato in my underwear while watching Pretty Little Liars...am I really gonna be 30 next year?
I feel like at this point in my life I should be dating someone who doesn't run out of all his money on Mondays and have to wait til fridy to buy his weed
In my top drawer right now, there are see's chocolates, condoms, weed, and my vibrator. One way or another, this is going to be a good night
Mischief managed.
YOU ARE NOT A MARAUDER, WHAT THE FUCK DID YOU DO NOW?
I crawled to the bathroom this morning there were cornpops scattered on the floor? What was I doing last night?
Randomize
