i'd fuck the guy who invented dead baby jokes.
She's mad at me cuz I told her having a fuck buddy was too much commitment.
APPARENTLY giving your friend one of your shoes so that you avoid the no shoes no service rule makes you drunk...
It was an awkward 3some. I took her from behind while he just made out with her.
its 4am and she invited me over to split a 'romantic bowl of frosted flakes'...really dude?...what do you think she's trying to say?...she better not be kidding about the frosted flakes though.
i should teach a seminar on how to fall off the wagon
can you please explain how one drink turns into 5 street signs with their poles lying around my room
After this weekend, it looks come this holiday season I'll be walking in a winter abortionland.
I'm hungover and surrounded by children and Republicans. What did I do to deserve this?
im sleeping with a therapist...so you can talk to me.
At tuba camp, the pickings are slim. It's like being the tallest midget.
You know, I think I'm going to rock the shit out of this whole mid-twenties thing. Fuck babies and weddings -- I have vodka and young cock.
Stuck in the Minneapolis airport for 3 hours with an expense budget and a wine bar. This could get out of hand quickly.
Her handjob consisted of slapping me in the balls. I am never hooking up with her ever again ever.
His parents bailed him out, the police said they found him on a curb trying to call people on his wallet, hahha. He had his wallet open to his ear callin people
Randomize
