wtf. i just found you're porn stash.
u like it?
NOT THE POINT.
my hangover today makes thursday's feel like a bubble bath.
he shattered multiple jars of jelly against his roommates doors last night. this morning the asian one wouldn't even talk to him because he thought he was gonna get beaten up
We should have parties more often. I ended up with 90 beers and someone cleaned my toilet.
I remember her trying to talk to me a few times after we broke up and I'd always change the subject to bagels.
The cab driver thought we were passed out so he called a sexline...
I just wanna be like "dude your gf's on a porn site" but i just dont know if i have the heart.
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO GET MY FUCKING CUPCAKES WHEN THE GROUNDSWORKER I HOOKED UP WITH IS LOITERING IN THE VENDING AREA
When that bartender tried to tell us he sang like Sade, I knew it was time to go
You know what id love more than anything right now? ..a back rub while eating biscuits and gravy
Cause I'll toss Tabasco sauce in his eyes and yell "Cobra attack" and walk away
he threw an umbrella that he ripped out of the table at the fence like he was harpooning a whale while the owner of the bar was outside then tried to blame it on an old man...
shut up and let me use my vagina as a weapon of self destruction in peace!
Remember that guy that walked around our house naked with a boner wearing nothing but his winter coat? Well, he has a kid now.
We will discuss everything tomorrow i presume. Including the sweaty naked tango.
Randomize
