i was out of cigarettes so i took the butts out of the ashtray, emptied them out, and proceeded to roll one big Frankenstein cigarette.
She used the word "fragged" in proper context. tell me that's not bust-nut hot.
I just found a bag of teeth...
He's telling everyone that the only reason he's at this party is to hook up with me. SOS HELP.
I wasn't a groupie because I didn't carry his guitar home
Would nail polish remover take gorilla glue off my nipples? We had a strange night.
I haven't been this unsober in a long time. I feel like I am observing myself. Like I am a test subject for alcohol. I wish my brain would shut up and let me be a normal drunk.
There is not enough whiskey in the world to get me through what happened on Pretty Little Liars tonight.
First world problems.
Blocking me on Facebook doesn't change the fact that you've had my penis in my mouth. So there's that.
The porch is breathing.
STAY OUT OF MY SHROOMS YOU CUNT
Burnt my boob on a piece of hot waffle at work today..I feel like thats a new low point in my career..
Hello my rib-scented angel!
I'm kinda glad you won't be in Vegas tomorrow because you'd make us go streaking or throw dead animals at them.
enjoying your night?
do dogs like to salsa?
I dont know if that answers my question or not
I imagine you as a cat holding your burrito with two paws and cutely eating it
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