I mean I can't believe yesterday ended w/ your house getting firebombed. What an unexpected turn of events
new low: just stole a ciggarette from a bum sleeping on the side of the street.
ohh what kind?
You all can go fuck yourselves. As far as I'm concerned, don't come back to karaoke.
I just puked in the mop bucket at work. I think I need to go home.
I got drunk and smashed his tv with the keg and so he blames me for being evicted.
Hey is it bad when your boss leans over your desk and tells you "you smell like the Rainforest Cafe"??
protesters in toronto definately have the best pot
There is a bottle of ciroc waiting graciously on my breakfast table. It's almost a sign for me to live up to my Russian blood.
Would it be sharing too much to tell you that my nipples hurt so much that I couldn't comfortably go down the stairs?
I don't think she considers it a date unless she publicly urinates
She just made out with a golden retriever. I'm disgusted and turned on all at once
Dude. If I met a dinosaur right now. we'd totally be on the same page. Brainwaves and shit.
Out of ten? A seven. You pulled your shorts down to your ankles, jumped into the pool and announced you were a merman.
Wow this just keeps getting better, weed, shrooms, a stripper..........a gun.
Stacy was in the bathroom puking, so he peed out the window. We were eight stories up.
Randomize
