i found out what alaskan girls practice during those six months of darkness
Wtf. Who made this Big Mac, Helen Keller?
I'm either watching Fifth Element or Hotel Rwanda. There's black people and white people and high life tall boy 18 packs are $11.99 so I could be watching my own hand. I have no idea.
I think he just made me trade sex for my cat.
Have the decency to NOT HANG YOU'RE USED CONDOM ON THE FOOSEBALL HANDLES! Dickhead.
We mailed him an 18 inch double headed dildo for his birthday. The Fedex guys certainly got a laugh out of it.
Do you realize half our text conversations are you asking me for tit pics and me saying no?
My brother just text me asking if I was ready for the blowjob of my life.
We need to find out what drug we took so we can take it everyday from here on out
I smell like heartbreak.
Tequila and sloppy rebound sex?
How did you know?
How do you say happy birthday to someone you fuck occasionally that almost got you arrested? Like what do I text.
I'm a mess. I mean I almost got off but I'm a fucking rubics cube down there so il givenhim the point
I blacked out and when I woke up and looked at the counter.. there was a full cake upside down. I dont even understand ...
Someone drank my pedialite!
YOU drank your pedialite. I watched you chase shots with it!
So some guy thought I took second place in a male stripper competition
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