Thats my favorite, when ex girlfriends become XL ex girlfriends
I'm eating my dinosaur chicken nuggets in the order they would die in the food chain.
So..I walked into his bathroom and found a bong and a blender in the shower.....normal?
Note to self: don't jizz on a surface cleaned with Tilex. It WILL turn purple.
and my attempt at hiding my drunkness from my parents included walking into the wall as soon as they let me into the house.
But it's not about our feelings, it's about making the men we sleep with feel awful about their lives
Get you some cowboy.
In that sentence you are the cowboy. That is not saying you should get a cowboy for yourself.
Come on down you're the next contestant on "lets go drinking!"
Wrong. I really wanted to see the movie. And she was on top of me like she was riding a mechanical bull. Who am I to complain? I live to serve.
Because making bad decisions is what makes our house great and I don't plan on changing that anytime soon.
at any given day I am at least 60% invested in my work. today I am staggered around 3.5%
I cried while dry heaving in the back of the car to the New York song with jay z in it. I was singing it inbetween gags.
He's standing in the corner rubbing his nipples and reflecting on poor life choices
Also, I found this app that is basically a tamagochi from the 90's and now I finally have something to keep me busy at work!
I got bit by a peacock. That's how hard shit went down last night.
Randomize
