Sober January is a disaster.
Whoever had sex in my bed during the party last night left a glow in the dark condom on my floor. I'm not even mad anymore, I just want to know who it is so they can tell me where to get one.
Euphemism? No, "pantsless vodka yoga" is a legitimate pastime of mine
just peed in rthe mens room but seranaeded them with adelle the whole timee so they didnt mind
No, he went to go get condoms. The least I could do was chug two beers before he got back
We knew it was a good time to leave when you spilt the salsa on the ground and were trying to put it back in the jar with your hands
Please root for the ravens. I now have oral sex riding on this and it's been sooooo long
I guess my vagina missed him because it called and left a 5 min. message. Color me impressed
Like if it it's practical for your sexual health I'm allergic to it AKA REGULAR CONDOMS
All I have are vague memories of us eating ham?
just wanted to eat pizza off his dick so he let me and he can never forget it
We are literally scheduling phone sex... if that's not long distance af then i don't know what is
Finding my pants in the morning should not make me this proud
Ahhh, the bane of our relationship.... His mediocre penis
Try me, you 5'5 gremlin
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