im at a bar with my dad last night and he got hit on more that I did
i can't help myself.. i am just so in love with the kitchen manager.
...he was wearing JNCO shorts.. i'm pretty sure i saw the dragon.
if you take his cock out, you have to give him a bj. it's like giving a moose a muffin.
she came to the game with a camelback filled with booze. except it was only the bag part so she duct taped to her back
the cool security guard showed me the video clip of how i sat criss-cross-applesauce on the elevator for 20 minutes last night
the bathroom floor of the diner looks a lot different when you're not rolling around and puking on it.
I woke up using a pile of socks as a pillow. I think theyre clean so thats a plus.
I wanted to be mature but the vodka was resilient.
You could become Eskimo brothers with my dad. How can you pass that up? You pussy.
My dad made a joke about you sending me strippers for valentine's day so clearly everything here is normal
There is a video on my phone of me suckling a bag of wine from your crotch area while you say "The Body of Christ" in a Michigan accent. I vaguely remember being offended by this yet I did it anyway.
Waffles and pussy, what else is there?
That last one reminds me of the time we smoked that foot-long joint and by the time we'd finished we were so stoned we applauded it.
That said I did get head on the roof of a 15 story building which, regardless of quality, is still cool
She's kind of holyer-than-thou, like god himself came down and said "please cock block your roommate at every opportunity, and if you think she's thinking of sex, tell her she's a whore"
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