dude do u know what u did last night?
do i wanna know???
you totally walked in on some couple fuckin in their unlocked dorm room asking for directions to ur room...
I'm going to rape someone's good day.
we were watching porn and trying to copy the position they were doing now i think my hip is dislocated
We were laughing at the passed out guy who had gone to sleep under the car in the McDonald's lot until we realized it was you.
dude it was like an art museum there were boobs everywhere
your stepbrother is rimming his martinis with coke... keeps saying "thank god its tuesday". where does funemployment end and intervention begin?
dude. this chick is staring at me like i gave her brother herpes.
How did you make it to work sans hangover?
4 words: Clif Bar soaked in tequila. Just like albert pujols
Either I spilled whiskey on my boobs last night or they are fermenting. Not concerned in the slightest
Hon, I found you crying into a bathrobe in the back of a closet with a broken shoerack.
I just found out who gave her jelly shots. You owe me a new mattress.
it'll be like the notebook except for with way more of my penis
I blame everything on you. My broken heart, my fucked up liver and my twisted mind.
My mom just said "okay girls, the ONLY thing i ask is that you stay sober Saturday afternoon, until halfway through lunch. And you don't wear that crystal camo hat. This is a funeral, not a tailgate party"
Best wishes.
How high?! We watched paid programming for 45 minutes before we realized it wasn't just a long commercial. So pretty high. The Bionic fish finder looks promising, though.
Lets get a boat first.
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