It looked like if robin williams had a vagina
I totally understand Scottish logic. No underwear+skirt=great
Alcohol only hurts me because he loves me.
I just read the lonely terrorist on nwa had 40 more friends than me on facebook
It's too hard to jack off and hold an ipad at the same time
This dude. Just lost. A finger. He asked us for tape.
False alarm I know hes alive because when i tried shaking him awake he pissed his pants and rolled over..
Somehow me not being able to breathe due to cocaine doesn't seem very domesticated.
I know it's not technically the "Mile High Club" but we def need a name for the airport bathroom. Cuz that just happened.
I just commented on the education level of his penis.
The cops came, and I made friends with him. He wants me to babysit his kids.
He meowed while sucking on my nipple, it got even weirder when he said he was trying to moo.
I just twinged a muscle in my shoulder trying to hug myself. In the world of loneliness-based injuries, this is a new low for me.
Well, I can now cross "dirty drunk homeless hobo" off of my bucket list of people who have been successful wingmen for me. North Carolina is getting weird.
Come cuddle! I'll be passed out somewhere in the library. It'll be like a scavenger hunt!
Randomize