Just be blunt and say drink from my dick
just got 3 freshman girls to makeout with each other at a toga party! score!
why is this not a picture message?!?!
I love when I'm alone in the house. It's like pants were never invented.
Always fun waking up to 911 as your last dialed call.
I'm trying to have a "pick me up from my house so I can get completely annihilated night" any takers? Cmon people this is what friends are for
I love shooting for the middle. Those girls never wake up well.
YOU WERE HAVING SEX IN THE SAME BED I WAS SLEEPING IN. AND YOU GRABBED MY HAIR. OF COURSE I'M PISSED.
Bacon Cheddar rum burgers are as great as they sound. I knew that 100 proof Captain would be good for something other than vomit.
I bought us both waterproof cases so we can sext through FaceTime in the shower.
Next. Level. Shit.
I haven't received a dick pic from him lately. He's not even my boyfriend and I'm concerned. I hope he's alright.
Pretty sure I was impersonating Rihanna when I kept asking him what my name was while we were making out
I just had a spiritual connection with my sweater and did ballet in the hallway. Alone. I'd say we're gonna chalk that up as a win for marijuana and call it a night
I'm finally in my bed, my pants are off, and there's no pee on my carpet this is the best life has been all day
He lit my hand on fire and bought me chicken nuggets. I'm in love.
We went to the midnight donut shop and you hopped the counter and told everyone to "Get the Fuck out of your Bar" but to also "Make yourselves at home".
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