what are you wearing?
Just my guilt
I just came so hard I farted. Twice. Thank God I'm alone.
please pick me up with an explanation of why i shacked in a trailer with a guy who doesnt have a car.
Slept with that guy from the bar last night. Only got 2 1/2 hours of sleep. Eyes were so bloodshot this morning that the principal sent me home b/c she thought I had pink eye. God I love teaching elementary school...
We're 3 acts into this drag show and we've already run out of Lady Gaga songs.
I just woke up to me licking the dognuts
You mean Doughnuts?
......No :(
She came back in her actual cheerleader uniform. Made a bad bj tolerable.
Sometimes I just want to serenade his penis with cheesy 80s songs.
Seriously considering modifying my computer case so it can dispense wine. I need to make a bunch of changes and reorganize it's guts anyway....
you flipped over the sheets and there was my bed. filled with ding dongs.
WHY DID HE INTRODUCE ME TO HIS MOM? CAN'T HE JUST HIDE ME LIKE EVERYONE ELSE I'VE EVER DATED?@!
Went as "Party on, Wayne." And left as, "Partied out Wayne in a foot boot with new medical bills." Fuck Halloween...and vodka.
This girl in my class is lecturing my professor about zombies. It has been going on for 15 minutes.
Zombies?
Zombies.
Met this british guy. Played pool. Broke into an apartment and had sex
I’ve got a lot of questions but the first one has to be where you got the flame thrower.
Randomize
