I may have told her we're dating for a handjob, Fake tits are overrated.
I cannot stress to you how much better your current situation is than listening to gay sex
You know you're deprived when the only thing you taste while chewing gum is the 2 grams of sugar alcohol.
Woke up in a wet suit with my junk cut out. In a strange apartment. Just found thing biggest bong u have ever seen. WHERE ARE YOU?!?!?!
Woke up shivering behind the titty bar, With the worst leg cramps. I'm like a poster boy for responsibility.
I come back upstairs and she's leaning over sink full of vomit saying 'oh my god it's the chili'
The highlight of your blackout was when you drunk showered with the garden hose and emailed your boss your vacation requests for the next year.
It's just weird. It's like Big Bird dating Meg Griffin.
I just woke up on an unfamiliar floor, my shoes are gone, my suits covered in red lipstick and chocolate, and Im wearing sunglasses that say "Maid of Honor".God damnit I love this country.
Now I have to go back and sober fuck him. For science.
I'm that daughter that had to send her mother "DON'T GET SHITFACED" & yes, in ALL CAPS.
And I hope you're not misinterpreting us fucking as me trying to win you back. The sex is good and girls have needs.
This is not a test of the emergency warning system. He has broken my vagina. I repeat he has broken my vagina. Damn it was good.
Considering I drank for you last night, do you mind picking up your half of the hangover
Can I say it was a great night out of town? Fucking my co-worker in the hotel bed while my best friend is fucking his friend on the floor and a random guy is laying in the other bed meanwhile we are all passing a joint back and forth
Randomize
