She woke me up, whispered "I like the size of your dick", kissed me, and rolled over and went back to sleep
Just walk-of-shame'd past fifteen little girls at summer camp. Take a good look girls, I am you in twelve years.
I gave you head at the stadium on a Thursday night ESPN game. That damn well better be worth points on the score board!!!
Because once my penis is in motion, it stays in motion unless another force acts upon it.
Nope. He totaled my car then moved back to Louisiana to work things out with baby mama. I sure know how to pick em
He asked me for a pic so I sent him a pic of my boyfriends dick.
LOOK, I was 19, and I made a lot of choices with my crotch which I'm weirdly proud of
Yes dear.
that was the most beautifully crafted sentence ive ever read that involved the phrase "genitals or whatever"
Black magic does not go near my vagina, it's a rule
I did a line of coke with my ex tonight. Talk about memories
I'm laughing at the fact that I'm at Target right now buying vitamins and alcohol.
it was all good until mid make out when he announced 'i just came'. ...he wasn't joking.
Look get the dick out ur mouth and answer the phone
Is it good porn? Or is it more of that fucked up Cabbage Patch Doll porn you made us watch
Somehow, walking in on your drunk mom in a diaper was the least traumatic thing I saw last night
Randomize
