Sign #1 this conference will suck: Ice breaker question, how many proud virgins do we have in the room, overwhelming response. Looks like I'm not getting laid this weekend.
I just saw a girl licking a cheeseburger wrapper. dont ever let me get that fat
Did you really just text me at 6:35 in the morning asking where the condoms were? I moved out a year ago.
Next sat night Titanic party. Bring your floaties, trashy necklaces, and a large lung capacity. This ship is going downnnnnnn.
i think you may have a shot to cock block in a moment. just saying.
Wake up an cock block please bc these are noises i dont ever want to hear again
As soon as he came we went to Dairy Queen. That drive through lady was very condescending about our "just fucked" ice cream.
Dad danced with a girl half his age and her boyfriend just sat at the bar and waited for dad to be done. I bought pity nachos.
Before getting out of the car, she said "Thanks for getting me off." I like how polite she is.
Guy fieri is speaking only to me. We make eye contact. My whole body is vibrating. My head is purring. I am literally marbles.
You're going to find someone that you love very much and that loves you, and then you're gonna find an additional person that you literally can't stop staring at from across the room. I feel very confidently about that
He woke up to me masturbating during the presidential address. Now he won't stop making jokes.
Dude, no, you tried to sleep on the stove. I mean. You were pissed when I stopped you... but I couldn't have you catching on fire in my house.
In other news I was masturbating last night and came really fucking hard to the thought of yelling at a customer....
I just slept for fifteen hours straight. It's like my body knows i'm drinking with you and is preparing..
I didn't expect the hobit to have that much sexual tension.
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