I'm ready for my liver to be the last casualty of 2009
dude so we were eating nacho cheese popcorn and chasing it with cole slaw
by the way nacho cheese popcorn is me making popcorn and then adding milk butter and mac n cheese mix
we had you propped up in a chair and fed you donuts. i've never seen you happier
I could literally track my booty calls if I ever got knocked up by my parking tickets
i don't even specifically remember last night, it's just one big wonderful lesbianic blur.
You should get with him and swear you have to use lambskin condoms. That'll test his veganism.
Should I feel guilty that my husband is cheating on his girlfriend with me? I mean, we're not divorced yet so I still have dibs, right?
She told me she was eating frosting, then I got the weirdest boner ever
True friends don't judge, they just try to have more booty calls than you do.
Just got cockblocked by my GF's wedding shower... That's a first. And I have to buy a gift.
I broke my heels and ended up on a random party bus where I passed out after a brief stripper pole incident.
Who doesnt want to be Yoda? I mean seriously, how sweet would that be? Live to 400, not give a shit about love and all that, know fucking mind tricks and smoke awesome swamp weed. I'm down.
I know he’s a bad decision but he's casual, his penis is amazing and his technique is on point.
I just don't think it's that outlandish to ask that I don't get messages from my husband at 8:30pm on a Wednesday telling me he peed on our cat
He was passed out, face in the toilet, so I just pissed on his head. Serves him right
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