I'm so fucking centered right now
And now I'm afraid that I'm a pornographic eater.
When i tried to give you something that wasn't tequila...like water....you kept saying it was against your religion.
I've always been the spiritual type.
That's a really weird place to spoon. Especially if there are more accessible places to spoon. Like a bathtub.
Awww, you two will make beautiful abortions together...
You couldve had sex with 2 drunk chicks on an alligator slide.
i woke up and the dog was eating spaghetti off my chest.
How bad does the situation have to be before its ok to attempt 'catastrophic event sex'?
At least he's enough of a gentleman to not make me do the walk of shame dressed as Santa.
My night ended with Em alternately crying and throwing up in the arms of a guy wearing a cutoff and a tiara. I sat holding a garbage can and wine glass full of water wondering how our night got to this point.
I just realized, I'm going to be on my period for the end of the world. FUCK.
I think I accidentally agreed to be someone's surrogate
Aaaand the winner of the worst decision of Sunday night goes to me as I pull up to his house in my lingerie.
Go have fun. I'm gonna go shower off the regret.
I didn't tell that thing I wasn't coming over. Whoops
You know you haven't dated in a while when you call boys "that thing" and call dates "a boy type thing."
Randomize
