My mom foundout about my dui nd just called me to come home. I just took acid like 30 min ago. Wht should i do?
i feel like even strangers are annoyed with me because of how drunk i was last night
i just identified you from a description of your pipe
well you haven't lived until you've been 86'ed from a family restaraunt
the russians are downstairs with the vodka loudly proclaiming happy birthday america. i don't care if it's the fourth, i care that it's 9 am and they woke me up.
i just saw some one pass a baby through the drive-thru window at dairy queen.
I SWALLOWED her nuva ring. Please tell me how your night could have been worse.
They are chanting tits for freedom and I'm highly considering
Also, you tried to make me learn all of the presidents, in order, with a picture book as an aid. At 4 am. What the fuck?
I think I'm a wingman for every guy who bangs a girl I scarred in highschool.
I, soberly, gave myself a concussion trying to take a pic of my vagina. Fuck you and your hangover.
But if I live with you I'll help pay rent. Only if you promise no 50 shades of what the fuck internet hookups
You've opened Pandora's butthole my friend. There's no going back.
I thought you died. Don't forget it's burger night.
I accidently sent a dick pic to the group chat with her family. Right after they all said it was a pleasure having me for dinner. Wana drink with me?
Randomize
