I just woke up covered In blood, I have cuts all over my body, I can't find my clothes from last night, I'm still wasted, i'm pretty sure I have a sprained ankle, and the best part is, I have absolutely no recollection of what led to this. THAT'S why vodka is the greatest drink in the world.
I just realized there's an entire generation of children that will never know Alex Trebek had a mustache... Sad.
Theres an amvulance here. It might be for me
Did you ever stop and think that god invented whiskey dick specifically for me
I'm studying for my midterm by watching porn with Spanish subtitles. Surprisingly the words are still really distracting..
I don't give a damn about what he wants to do with his life. Personalities are for pussies.
Now if u will excuse me I have to go prep my vagina for this amazing sex filled weekend I'm about to encounter
Out of all the people in the house to show their tits at mcdonalds to try and get free food, they picked those two?
Instead of a hangover my body just feels like shame
That is a hangover
I would prefer a headache
Almost ran over girl selling candy bars for charity. Pretty much obligated to buy at that point.
Congratulations on your downgrade, shes one hell of a 5
Our first order of business as new roommates was to test the sex acoustics of our rooms. I need a new box spring.
I think the lady at jack in the box started crying when we put in our order.
if having to see my ex’s dick once in a while is the price I pay to the universe for making my life go a little smoother, I’ll take it
Hey I'm trying to get back with my ex I'mm done doing whatever we were doing I hope things workout for you
Weird flex but ok.
Randomize
