If Jimminey Cricket were here with me he would be so disappointed.
my passenger side seat is covered in alcoholic jello with a nude mannequin in it
Just pulled over to throw up in a day care parking lot while the kids were outside playing. The adults were mortified.
I dont know if this is a good time to tell you but im actually a freshman.. not a senior
this is why ugly people need low self esteem. it stops them from doing shit like this.
Apparently campus cops frown on lighting a joint off of the eternal flame on Jerry Falwell's grave...
So im waiting for someone at grand central and i look up AND THE ENTIRE BALCONY IS FILLED WITH BOY SCOUTS I AM TERRIFIED
Rule #61 of being a lady: never get fingered by a finger with a knuckle tattoo
Can we both just take a day off just to have sex? Is that acceptable as an adult?
Well my summer has already been productive. I partially caused a divorce.
Overall a good night - broke my toe giving that cop a blowjob though...so there's that...
Just taking a shit and realized the captain planet theme song is stuck in my head.
Wtf. So apparently this 5 star establishment doesn't allow strip putt putt in the parking lot. We all just got kicked out of our rooms.
I've never seen anyone as high as you were.. you collapsed onto the kitchen floor hugging a tub of ice cream. You named it phil.
I thought it turned out lovely. You got to see me almost naked and I got to be stoned to the point I was content with
Wtf when were you almost naked??
Randomize