so all night Ive been that girl with her tits out @ the bar. I mean I dropped jaws, yo. But in a classy way.
her vagina looked like bernie madoff
Just wandered into a surprise final. Only a surprise for me though. I wish I could say this is the first time this has happened.
like we started out all organized and composed and within thirty mins people were throwing up in the bushes, arguing over a beer bong and jumping in the pool with their clothes on
We JUST got rid of the new years fatties at my gym and now the spring break fatties are here. goddamn.
you left a paper here that says 'to do list' but it looks like you just wrote "drink a bunch of cough syrup and watch Who's the Boss" like 60 times
There were slices of bread pasted to the wall with peanut butter this morning. I don't want to know
I feel like jumping into a breast pit right now. Like the old school ball pits at mcdonalds.
You guys can't keep having sex with them and cleaning their house! They're never going to take you seriously!
Who the fuck did i sell my right shoe to last night i need to get that back im not walking with one shoe on
I was galloping around pretending to give birth to pbrs. I could have used a mask.
I just fully woke up, never smoking that much weed again. I had stress dreams about your house being surrounded by a lake and we kept losing our cars in it.
Is it frowned upon to puke at Keeneland while you're betting on horses or is it just whatev
Video footage says last night I reincarnated as stripper Shania Twain... Man, I feel like a (slutty) woman.
I should stop pointing to my vagina when I say "I'm in charge!"
Randomize
