Which one of you FUCKERS filled the toilet with soil and planted my mothers daisys in it? NOT FUCKING HAPPY
i'm lost and i look like a hooker
i have essays due online every friday...im just going to write 'im hungover' for every one
I'm slowing backing away from her. I tried breaking up with her and it felt like I was clubbing baby seals.
its likemy ribs anf my hesrt aew cuddlingn
A man bought two 40's from me, then asked if I had duct tape. How do people over 50 know about Edward 40hands? It was very weird.
And then we made magical love in his room under a blacklight as his roommate and girlfriend argued violently in the living room
blowjobs from left handed girls are noticably better than from righties. these are the most important things I've learned this semester
It's really funny to see the look on the sales lady's face when she asks why you're replacing a painting. "I knocked it off the wall during sex w/ my heels," wasn't what she expected.
The guy next to me just said he wont play beer pong on principle. Im scared.
I'll have you know my trust issues and my daddy issues are two COMPLETELY different topics of conversation.
I was gonna start crying but as he was asking me for my info i saw him eyeing my rack. So I sorta started pushing them together. He asked me to get out of the car he made me turn around so he could check me out and then he said and I quote "okay ma'am. Everything is fine, I'm going to let you off with a warning. Next time if you're not wearing yoga pants you might not be as lucky" I am blessed.
you're no funn. i shall go consult my friend vodka on this matter.
I’m home.
I’m aware. I just dropped you off.
You’ll (maybe) appreciate that I picked at my ingrown hair again. Quarantine updates are getting BLEAK.
Randomize
