He about cried when I ordered pizza online. He said it was a miracle.
Too tired to do the dishes so I made mac and cheese in a teapot. There's still some left if you want some...
All right cuz right now I'm in one of those moods where the shear thought of doing anything more strenuous than making a sandwich has me wanting to curl up in the feeble position and splash around in a puddle of my own tears.
It was my little brother's 14th birthday today. Didn't know what to get him so I just showed him how to use incognito tabs on google chrome.
Dude, seduce him with cookies. You almost turned me gay with scones. Don't be surprised when they get you laid.
I fucking love my neighbors. I offered him chocolate and somehow it turned into a sexual proposition.
i woke up and found a picture of his grandma in my purse.. im a kelpto
Like we just had a bunch of sex and then he threaded my eyebrows in bed lol. It was amazing
A prostitute stole us beer at 3 am
I took a 19 year old to a strip club and ended up in a three way. Divorced life might be OK.
You have a husband. I have a bag full of electronics. This, is the single life.
Hope everything goes ok. If it makes you feel better, I straightened vomit into my hair and killed a bird earlier.
She just kept screaming and saying "fucking you is like fucking a mountain"
My goal tonight is to be arrested by the Police Women of Cincinnati.
I just don't understand what you plan on accomplishing there except for losing all vestiges of post-freshman year dignity
Randomize
