Jizz is so healthy, they should sell it at Jamba Juice. Call it "Jamba's Juice". Genius.
i just saw a girl w/ a shirt that said "im the single friend." yeah i bet u r. stop wearing shirts like that and that could change.
I just used my med student white coat as ID to buy beer at 9 in the morning
I know I am usually the slut but tonight it's her. She is being a slut, yes slut, T as in Tomorrow, U as in Uterus, L as in Llama and S as in Sangria. That spells slut, but backwards and that's what she is being.
he slipped a picture of a kangaroo under my door that said "im sorry" on the back and passed out on my lawn.. who the fuck is this kid?
She made out with the kickboxers bf. She was just asking to get kicked in the head. In the middle of the bar.
I've used my house key more to do bumps of coke than I've used it to get in my house.
He told me I was 100% better then porn then passed out nto the cake
Note to self: Don't go home with a recent divorcee. Semen and tears.
She needs sedatives and a leash
That was the night, like, my hair caught on fire...
I need to find parents that want to take care of a grown adult. I'm sure there's a website out there for that. Like a sugar daddy but sugar parents.
Have 7 min to kill while I wait for liquor store to open. Feels really awkward.
Dad literally changed the channel from an episode of Big Bang Theory to another episode of Big Bang Theory. That's why I hate this show.
Did you put my shoes in the freezer.
Nope. I did however put them in the kiddie pool you pissed in in the living room before Tyler put them in the freezer. Ass hole.
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