38 yer olds are good kisserssss
I don't know the quality of the hand jobs you've received in the past but it CLEARLY was not one from me
She had a baby and now works at Hooters. She is the poster child for peaking in high school.
Were playing bathroom attendees at the party and making people wash their hands
i made a dollar
I put an asterick after the names of people in my phone that I've fucked. Both as a form of bragging, and also so I can actually remember all their names.
Her vagina felt like a fur coat. It was weird at first but I kinda liked it
Smoked a Vape in the library status: completed
No more drinking with Em. She was on the ground so much she looked like she belongs in a lifealert commercial
I find it very uncomfortable that I need to ask you to stop sending me pictures of your stomach
The dorm having an ice machine is their way of inviting us to make mixed drinks.
You got pulled on stage by a stripper who wore ruffled ankle socks and did jumping jacks for her dance. Then you were put in a chokehold by a security guard that almost cried because you supposedly said "fuck you!" to him.
ANNA HAS DISCOVERED EROTIC FANFICTION OF SHARKNADO THIS IS NOT A DRILL
I literally wonder, frequently, "Will anyone ever fuck me until i go cross eyed for 2 hours again?''
He was going down on me and all I could think about was how proud of me you'd be
Dude, seriously, fucking stop introducing me as "Thomas, with the dick piercing." you are the worst wingman ever.
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