My boobs aren't big enough for this kind of lifestyle
its summer. and we all know college gfs do not count in summer.
college gfs dont count ever. theyre like getting corn rows in jamaica. you feel cool at the time. then you go home and people make fun of you.
there were no ball for pong so he bought cat toys..... they had bells in them
The doctor said 'youre the 2nd youngest person that ive seen with this condition. Thats probably not the silver medal you were looking for today.'
It felt like getting blasted with a supersoaker filled with vagina juice.
Remember when we pinky swore we'd never feel hungover alone...
Also we saw a clown getting arrested. Rochester is weird.
Imagine getting a FB inbox "hey I found your ID on the floor of a bar can you send me a mugshot so I can get a second piece of ID made?"
I've slept in a different bed every day this week. Operation Ho Ho Ho is a success!
How do you respond to a booty call from yesterday?
Yeah that's a good idea.. I like to be responsible when I trip my nuts off
I'm gonna write a book. Almost Awesome: all the times I ALMOST got laid.
So how do you explain to your boss that Siri called him mid sex?
i swear a herd of elephants who like to smoke weed lives directly above our room
We still getting married? Or were you day drinking
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