I wish I had more reasons to start sentences with the phrase, "Here's the thing you've got to remember about cougars ...
With sake I got over my irrational fear of seafood. Now I just fear sake.
the three of them together have enough kids to fill a barney live audience.
Woke up with puke in my bed and my pockets full of Tootsie Rolls.
Jealous.
Very nice. It looks like a Fisher-Price My First Dildo, but still very nice.
I am currently google image searching dick piercings, trying to see what I'm getting myself into.
he just made me youtube cheetahs running and he thinks he is in a pool
The nurse gave me a funny look when I said I thought I have an std in my throat. Bet she only does it missionary too
we are out of drugs. and patience. please bring former.
Ugh. This is the type of hangover that all other hangovers want to grow up to be.
We can't tell anyone we fucked because I'm still trying to get with your friend. Is she coming next weekend?
Does me being hung over take away from how professional I can be today?
I just squirted in your honor. It's like pouring one out for the beautiful sex partnership that could have been
I'm literally the definition of crunk, sunburnt, and dehydrated. I'm going to die tomorrow.
I just found out through a drunken phone call that my parents thought I'd grow up to be a porn star. It's kind of scary how accurate they were at how skilled I'd be at sex.
Randomize
