yo i just woke up i feel so weird, and the absolut is still fill, so is the 30, what the fuck did we drink last night man? And will you please come out of the bathroom.
Bro... we didn't even hang out last night??
At least a dozen asian tourists will be showing their friends pictures of me peeing off of Hoover Dam with a cop pointing his gun at me when they get home. I worry about the impact on their children.
I want to spend time with you, and by time, I mean real time. Not your dick in my mouth time.
sorry for the blank pocket text. My penis obviously has nothing to say to you.
what customs doesn't know wont hurt them
He's only a freshman and he needs to expirence shit like that..
YOU would be the Freshman Expirence
Hungover/still slightly drunk at work. Opened a bag of cheese with a box cutter. Pretty sure I need stitches.
Riding the train home at 6 am for class still drunk is losing its novelty in my junior year
Our DD will meet us there. The strippers are sending a limo to pick him up. He promised them New Years Eve massages. Said he would still drive us home.
Antibacterial soap and prayers does not for spermicide make
I guess that means I was blowing a nerd last week.
And loving it.
Packing for college has become a game of where did I hide my sex toys.
75% of my food budget goes to wine, the rest to chips and salsa.
You just managed to turn Dr. Seuss into a sext. I really like you now.
I officially have worse injuries from a baby shower than roller derby.
Randomize
