two gay guys came in and bought just a kite and a box of wine. Why cant I have saturday nights that awesome
Every time she shows up on my newsfeed, I get the taste of tequila in my mouth.
I'm really debating making a second facebook. Same name only with DRUNK at the end. That way I can keep the guys I only talk to when I'm drunk on that facebook and only go on it when im drunk.
It's one of the many facets of my drunken alter egos. I'm like substance abuse batman.
Finally put clothes on I've been laying naked in the bed for approximately 4 hours since I showered and by showered I mean when I laid down in the bathtub with the shower on
Change of plans I'm coming home and shotgunning all the beer we have.
When we were done making out, some guy ran into the room yelling, "I'll save you Brandon! I'll save you!"
You know you're at a low point when you're sucking vodka out if your hair.
People dont know what to do when a naked fat guy is running towards them. they panic
I yelled at the dude who smoked him up "YOU'RE THE REASON I'M NOT GETTING LAID" then went to bed. So yeah, I guess it was an ok night.
She's walking to the bar while holding a fifth of fireball, talking on the phone and puking like its nothing out of the ordinary
I sharted in my christmas pjs :(
Alas, I cannot find a male suitor sharing my affinity for sport culture who will both manhandle me and treat me with the respect a young Hillary supporter wants and deserves
Also I literally googled "how to fold socks" so that's how my day is going. How's yours?
we have beer and we're watching the birds have sex in our yard.
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