Um, I don't know who U MEANT to send that to, but yes I WAS going to fuck you. Instead you can go play Halo with ur friends.
you announced to everyone at the bar "fuck girls. they're confusing. im gonna start having sex with boys now"
In retrospect, getting to second base BEFORE anal wouldve been a good idea
He was supposed to take me to a nice dinner, but istead all he did was get drunk and throw lit fireworks at me.
College students should never be allowed to have snow days. Never.
So, your mugshot picture is behind the counter at B-Dubs, with the caption: "not allowed on premesis."
He got completely naked and is now just standee there next to my bed poking at my hamster. Why can't I get sex the normal way.
Most senic walk of shame ever. This is why you go to school in Hawaii.
He was making Jim beam nachos. Chips soaked in whiskey with cheese
hey if you're going to the hospital do you wanna pick me up a taco on your way back
So question... If I'm sexting with uncircumcised guy, do I have to add *then i gently pull your foreskin down*?
Just bought plan b at 8am. Then the cashier asked if I wanted to donate to the children's miracle network. Fml
You know you started drinking too early in the day when you have a hangover at midnight
thats called having FUN
I woke up under the kitchen table. Andy is cursing out Joe Exotic's name in between heaves in the bathroom. Jay is trying to sleep w/ a shirt tied over his eyes. Lena and Brad braved the sun to go get bloody mary supplies and food. I'd say the Tiger King drinking game was a success.
WAIT YOU’VE NEVER BEEN TO COSTCO???
COSTCO IS MAGICAL
I can’t believe you two made a group text to scream at me about Costco.
Randomize
