took 5 apple pie shots. caution: flames. not digestable.
just had sex with a midget and didnt wrap it... were totally gonna have a tv show :)
I just saw the preacher from the church I grew up in while I was buying condoms at the drugstore... he remembered me.
the facebook you made of my ass has 10 times more friends than i do.
We have been pregaming the shutdown of the government since Tuesday. Send help, and some more liquor.
sorry can't make it tonight, greg's getting back from italy. he's had two weeks of carbs and no gym; now's my chance to get myself a piece of that newly-fat, low self-esteemed ass.
I kindof just wanted to go downstairs and let his dad know how good his son was at sex
Well. I have your keys. You have my car. Looks like we have a drunkxican standoff.
Lying on this bed is like lying on love and marshmallows and joy
He crawled over to me grabbed my boob asked me if I liked cats and then passed out. If that's really my RA, it's gonna be a long year
they adjusted my tv to black and white ... i thought i drank myself to colorblindness
seriously, i never want to drink Robitussin again. her face was melting as i tried to convince her i wasnt high and i probably would have fucked ray. his parents thought i was a sweet charming lesbian.
This is why you are not allowed out in public.
Please come and kill me with a brick you dont even have to be nice about it just smash myfucking skull in this is the worst hangover ive had for at least a week
I can't even spell what he said he was on. And I had to call 4 people before someone had heard of it.
Like you haven't hit rock bottom until you have had to throw your own turd out a window
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