batman just walked across the sidewalk
lay off the drugs
no for real he was wearing a cape
There's a "art of the blow job" class in the city. We should go
Baby, I'm all set with that. That would be like trying to teach bruce lee how to kick someone in the head
he puts the penis in happiness.
There's always time for handjobs
I consider myself an expert at getting drunk and embarrassing people at weddings.
I want to wear something that says I'm a lady (but I have condoms!)
I really don't want to. I just don't know how to nicely say "dude I'm having a rough time in life right now and I just need to dress like a stripper cop, get shit faced, and have dirty crazy sex"
Who the fuck did i sell my right shoe to last night i need to get that back im not walking with one shoe on
I just wanted to warn you I have strep throat incase I gave it to that guy we both hooked up with on New Years.
Blacked out drunk in California and woke up somewhere in Arizona, I'm pretty sure I got here on foot
you need a warning label. Just announcing that you are Scottish is seen more as a challenge. Those guys have no idea what they are getting into.
If you recall, I made a Zoolander reference almost immediately after you pulled out of me the first time we had sex.
Cant leave im designed bacon maker you come here
I'm actually pinning crap for Friendsgiving like a boss right now. These bitches better show up.
I got home and found him passed out in my tank top so i think i'll put lipstick on him and mass text a picture to everyone in his phone. that's what he gets for eating all my wheat thins
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