we're getting ready to take strippers to breakfast. I love my life.
i am watching brooke knows best right now and hulk is totally dating his daughter's look a like. it is gross and disturbing.
the most pressuring question is, why are you watching brooke knows best?.
I had to go to the bank to confirm purchases made on 10/31/09 because they were signed as Lady Gaga
Just had a stripper snatch my glasses off my face with her ass
you proceeded to scream out that it's your birthday to everyone who walked by before you collapsed in the middle of the street. happy 21st birthday to you.
We need to put it on a rope attached to the bong, so it can't be dropped. Apparently, you need a stem safety leash.
Asking the homeless man what buss shelter is the warmest was not a good idea
tanning, a slurpee, and a cigarette. spa day college edition
Are you coming to the bday night? i'll be doing a life-like reenactment of traveling through Bonnie's vaginal canal and taking my first breath of life. Don't think you'll want to miss it.
I can bring a slip n slide and curtains.
That all sounds beautiful. All I have to offer is my shining personality, extensive amounts of space knowledge, and I hear I am pretty not sucky at sucking dick
okay, but you can't tell anyone. Every time he instagrams something with the caption "avocado," it means he's booty calling me. Happy?
You bring me burritos. Of course I text you during sex
"he sent me a picture of a puppy in return for a picture of my boobs. He then captioned it with "look it's puppies first time at the beach". "
All I know is if i get a free preview weekend of HBO then I am recording Kindergarten Cop.
Fuck the library it's too quiet and makes me uneasy. I feel like I'm so isolated I should take off my pants or something
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