The spoon I was using to ice my hickey just fell out of my purse while i was paying at the liquor store. I look like an alcoholic with a meth problem.
For sure. We should see if we can get Mike to pay for one, and have a triple kegger... :o==& (that's future me projectile vomiting. i try to be goal oriented)
I know I said that I'd stop dating 20 year olds... but at least this one's not my student...
she was in the bathroom washing her eye makeup off with hand sanitizer.
3 things. 1. is this real life 2. my liver hates me 3. keg race tonight
in a thick russian accent she said "im not so good with english, much better with dick"
I actually kinda like her but everyone else hates her, so consider it a third party grudgefuck.
I woke up with a russian doll attached to my necklace and a post-it note with "keep babushka safe" written on it. Fuck vodka
Just saw some dude tumble down the stairs of the bar while leaving...fist pump...and then sprint down the road
Legitimately sent a work email with "Hey, you kids, get off my lawn" as the subject line.
I kinda took a step back after our "surprise bottles night"
There's like a dolphin trainer convention here or something. I will parlay this trip to Vegas into riding Shamu if its the last thing I do.
We made out and he didn't grope me. I liked it. I felt like I was innocent again.
She tied me to her bed using her honor chords. Thank god for graduation!
He woke up and decided to go for a swim in the lake... At about 3am... With his dogs
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