how does a 20 year old who hasnt gone through puberty yet score the game winning goal? fuck sidney crosby and his small nuts.
You should have been there to see the look on her face when I told her that my dog gives better head than her. It was a beautiful symphony of shock, anger, and disbelief.
Sometimes I wonder why.. Then I realize I can't fool myself with that question bc we all know it's bc of his enormous dick
If I threw up, how do I still have the same piece of gum in my mouth from the beginning of the night?
I think I found an E pill under the couch.. Or really bad tasting candy. Check back in 30min this could get exciting
I put an asterick after the names of people in my phone that I've fucked. Both as a form of bragging, and also so I can actually remember all their names.
Dude. Remember the only two rules I set for that? Always have a sober friend and don't do drugs with a fat chick.
Ok, gonna go sleep cuz my brain wants to be smart and not follow my pussy into the danger zone
I was ok with it until you started yelling " just the tip!" I know she's you gf but don't backseat drive the three-way.
I think my sunburn makes my ass look bigger
I'm surprised, it's been so long you must be starving
At a certain point, the zombie-like hunger goes away. Then the sadness sets in. Then you start lying to yourself that you're taking some "me time." Then you remember you dodged chlamydia and Buddha knows what else. Then you're at peace with it.
If I am telling you about the details of the shits I take I probably don't want to have sex with you. Probably.
I'm about to smoke a joint alone, do you want to FaceTime and pretend you're smoking it too?
no it was
but you compared your dick to a female disney character
so we’ve decided to fuck for our own health
Randomize
