You're so nebulous sometimes
Contrary to what I yelled at them last night, it turns out campus police CAN arrest people...
My face smells like vagina and Im on my way to court. Fuck.
I'm going to buy you a pony but under one condition: you have to name it sarah jessika parker
i think its awesome that according to your mom i'm your friend that caught on fire.
her cat was choking so she kept trying to stick her finger in her cat's mouth while saying "it's okay kitty, just do what mommy does"
This might be the most awkward night of my life. And I had someone pee on me once.
I said I usually like going out for coffee before torturing someone's genitals. He said he understood.
Hey your work video crashed my computer. The 8 pornos running in the other window didn't. Congratulations.
Thank god I didn't get free from the hospital restraints. I wouldent have lasted long drunk, startled and in an ass-less gown In D.C.
I'm having a hard time existing right now. When I figure out how it works ill be over.
We just don't discuss our relationships. It's pretty much like we're single no matter what to each other. And I'm okay with that. ¯\\(ツ)/¯
Only time and a comprehensive case study of all of your relationships will tell.
Pretty sure when I woke up the next morning we were still fucking. It just didn't stop.
I look over and the both of you are naked, and he's eating chicken nuggets off the floor
Randomize
