I plan on using my big titties for evil tonight.
My entire childhood was an ugly sweater party
The night was doomed the minute I started taking shots with an apple as a chaser.
he said no sex till date three. i said the party was one, mcdonalds two and that i would take him with me to buy cigs for date three.
and now that ive poetically compared your vagina to a nuclear missile, I hope youre prepared for this date.
We had three bowls going. It was a tri-bowl tournament. Harry potter shit.
I fucking, woke up on a couch with a towel as a blanket to someones lion king ringtone.
As an added realisation of today. If we used the last time I got laid as a conceiving date I would have a two week old baby. It's been too long...
i could've stared at her spine forever man..she was so deep, and she made a drink out of vodka and organic mangoo shit. i will find her and present that goddess with some fucking gummies
you're no longer allowed out of my sight at parties
Giving you good advice and being naked are not mutually exclusive.
I really should have gone with the man who kept offering me cocaine. Why did I chose the German!? STUPID!
yup and then I snapped out of it and realized I was playing beer pong against a 4 year old... and losing
I found her outside drinking steak sauce out of the bottle.
Every time I start to trust vodka, it does this to me.
CURRENTLY PLAYING FLIP CUP WITH A WORLD SERIES CHAMPION
Randomize
