when she asked where we met, i said the liquor store. the next words out of moms mouth? 'oh that's real promising molly'
Drunk sex destroyed my coffee table... ikea this weekend?
I am three bowls, two beers, and a muscle relaxer into babysitting. What are you doing.
Around noon tomorrow come looking for me. I'll be on Mill wearing whatever clothes I haven't lost yet. DO NOT REPLY. DO NOT ASK QUESTIONS. JUST DO IT.
No more fucking baseball tools. Walk-of-shamed home in only a pinstriped jersey and a Red Sox SnapBack.
We team puked and then made sex like wild monkeys. If that isn't love, I don't know what is.
"I'm in the bathroom. Only place I can sit and relax without that girl trying to give me a lap dance."
So is there a reason your dad is passed out naked in my shower? P.S. Congrats on the family dong.
I didn't get it..
I'm sorry. But to the original question please.
So I just got drugs from a house with a giant cross on it. Thank you, Jesus.
"Fuck all you guys I'm going to be Cameltoe Spider-Man for Halloween."
Next year for Halloween you can be the sword swallower, with a penis shaped sword.
Stop getting drunk and running away. I can'tell chase you. Iim in heels and have big boobs. Running is a bad idea for me.
Well, if it's rabies, your lips will swell just prior to the frothing. Get a lot of good pics!
It took like and hour to get him in me and then he came in like 2min. Size aint everything
I'm sorry for peeing on you last night. Will cookies make up for it?
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