Got a little crazy huh? Happy st pattys day. None of you have any idea where my credit card would be do you? How do i always lose
i just walked in on my sister drunkenly sobbing to sarah mclachlan. its time for an intervention.
didn't that happen to you last weekend?
shut up.
I just masturbated into a dress sock. I feel fancy
i say over christmas we have a beer pong competition with the cousins and see who really has the best genes in the family.
i forgot how awkward it is to meet new people sober
Pros and cons of selling your underwear to a guy on craigslist. Go.
Come down off the roof.
My cab driver just suggested I brush my teeth because he can smell "the party" on me.
She had a tattoo on her pelvis that said "it's cock-o-clock" an had clocks and hot dogs exploding away from it. I'd like to tell you it was deal breaker buuuuuuut.......
I'm texting an actual stripper. A male stripper. I dont wanna talk about it yet
I called my mom while I was blackout drunk, and told her I was drunk, safe, and happy. But really, I was just drunk.
YOU HAVE BEEN BAD TOUCHED BY THE LEPRECHAUN OF CHOICES
Teacher vividly described one of the times he did shrooms, sat down, sighed, and told everyone to go do drugs and let us out 15 minutes into class. I love community colleges
I woke up with a giant paw print on the side of my face, my jaw hurts, and I have no idea how any of this happened.
Social anxiety problems: I just had to get up and change stalls mid-poop because someone sat down in the one next to mine.
We could just go to Vegas and celebrate my singlehood and not contributing to the population.
Randomize
