It's fine actually... I'm pretty sure he had the crookedest weiner in the world anyway.
Like he had it hanging in the wind and you just decided, "nope, I don't think that one's for me." ????
God no! I could just feel it. His clock said it was 8:00 when, clearly, it should have been midnight.
my boob sweat smells like rotting zombie flesh
is this your pickup line?
I need some transition time from spring break.. can we day drink between classes this week?
i was considerably less excited after they told me my present didnt have a penis
She put up a picture of her grandmother on facebook, looks like the lazy eye runs in the family
well... just scaled a wall and entered the bar through the balcony. just making some last minute memories nbd.
Guess what happened to me today at work?
I have chlamydia. What happened.
Oh lets talk about your news first. Mine is happy so it should go second.
there was 'chicken suit porn' in my search history.......also 'scuba diving porn'
I told you alcohol was flammable, but you didn't believe me until you tried to extinguish your sparkler by submerging it in vodka and the bottle burst into flames.
IN THE MIDDLE OF HOOKING UP, HE IS CALLED AWAY ON AN "EMERGENCY". FUCK THAT, MATT'S CAR IS NOT AS URGENT AS MY THIRST.
He literally cried into his tacos and screamed fuck bitches. Don't know if it was the best, or the worst hook up, ever.
Please send pictures of any nice new years ladies you run across in town, as I've forgotten what women look like.
You ate ashes out of my bong
i feel like if we ever had babies together they would just be drunk all the time
I kept screaming that he looked like Khal Drogo and rode around the bar on his back.
Randomize
