he just said he'd buy the porn
its a step up from the last guy
if you google earth my address you can see me getting out of my car. finally my moment of being famous
One thing i hate about playoff baseball: George Lopez
i asked if you wanted help changing your sheets after you threw up in bed. you politely declined. i take no responsibility after that.
i wanna meet her so much more now that I know she got toed in a hottub.
i'm behind the bar giving him a hand job. i need stuff to make my foot stop itching.
okay, this is where i needed to clarify that i was kidding before when i said that jizz helps mosquito bites. but let me know how that goes. for future reference.
I'll even give you a complementary welcome blowjob.
You asked me to text you at 11 and remind you that he's 33. It's 11:20. He's 33.
you're too late. he has eggnog and whiskey and all seven seasons of buffy. I shan't be coming home tonight
So really what you're asking for is an allowance to not have sex on our futon.
Enroute to my place eta 6 mikes...estimated time until intoxicated? 45 mikes. Commence the timer.
Don't take a pillow from my bed. You don't know which ones of them my vagina has been on
if people come over to pregame will you hide my Oreos?
We both shit in the same closet in Santa Fe. Nothing is sacred anymore.
Pretty sure I was naked for most of the night.....success
I just bought sparkling water with plan B. I am the most basic bitch to ever exist.
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