my text book just quoted the cookie monster
Just so you know.. I just graduated college with your name still written on my chest
If that doesn't scream bromance I dont know what does
I am so hungover and cant move but craving a Wendys frosty so bad. I might have to watch 2 girls 1 cup just to settle the urge
Dude you didn't move for like 2 hours then suddenly sang the chorus to ghetto superstar and passed back out
Got a blowie from her in the cab on the way home. Made awkward eye contact with the cabbie who said, and I quote "Keep the mess in her mouth bro", I did so only out of respect
Hi Jessica this is Jessica and I am texting you and were taking lime shots and it's fantastic and I broke your elbow and I love you xo
My walk of shame this morning would have been much less obvious if it hadn't been 6:30 in the morning and I wasn't walking through downtown Nashville in a Steeler jersey.
There's holes in the drywall and the beer pong table is a broken door on two barstools. You know they like to party.
No one ever gets any after sleeping with her. She is like the broken mirror of hookups, enjoy 7 years of blue ball. Don't say I didn't warn you
I like the wholesome side of you
I'm so goddamned horny I could use all my pent up energy to tear a redwood out by its roots.
My brother just text me asking if I was ready for the blowjob of my life.
last thing I remember is yelling 'sit on my face' through a traffic cone
Decided to stop by the store on my walk of shame. I must really look like shit, a six year old girl just walked up to me and said "my mommy wanted me to tell you Jesus loves you." Thanks kid.
I'll give you one guess. It has a cock and I want it
Ok, there are marshmallows shaped like elephants
Randomize
