I called Tyra Banks a whore to her face. A sure sign I should go home. Instead I went to the gay bar.
You know, if there were no such thing as marriage, i don't think porn would exist.
I would go down on you faster than GM stock
Do they make some cleansing product for your soul? Like mouthwash that makes you not a skank? Or is that what religions for?
Eh, i think it's called sobriety. But its not fun.
he pretended not to hear me say our safety word. how do you think I feel?
My fuck buddy took time out of his date with his girlfriend to text me happy Valentines Day.
Snuck into a camper in someone's yard. Hotboxing. Can't wait until they go in it.
I'm in a waiting room at the hospital - and there's a dude here who is WAY too proud of his urine sample.
note to self: do not snort crushed up caffeine pills in the bathroom by yourself when ur super shit faced, ur face will fucking hate you in the morning.
I'll be thirty in eight months. I think my goal is too stop changing my pants in the parking lot at work by then.
We need to stop going on dates to the strip club.
Pretty sure we ruined a bachelorettes life last night
I just want to buy drugs without having to pay an arm and a leg for it. Is that a horrible thing to ask for?
I mean, it's not like you can exactly complain to the manager and higher ups about it.
I like to listen to classical music when I eat taco bell. I think it cancels out the aura of poverty and desperation.
Do you remember feeding the vacuum doritos last night?
Randomize
