Bel-fucking-mar, this place has more popped collars than a Hollister catalog
Disney World has no open container laws. Ohmygod this place is even cooler than it was when I was ten.
there are too many children here to make this hangover-friendly
Oh my god! She wrote the word ''hi'' in HAIR on the shower wall. What the fuck?!
It's like he's trying to get head in every car except his.
He came in both my eyes, then refused to give me a towel unless I found him by playing Marco Polo
Remind me to tell you a really funny story about me and arson.
It just wouldn't be valentines day if i didn't invite 90% of the guys i've slept with to go to the strip club with me
Then he shook the next streetlight but this one broke and fell over. He told me, "This is the part where we run."
Just learned a valuable lesson today. Don't open snap chats from 3 am the next morning while sitting next to a small child. They totally saw your dick.
My new years resolution is going to be to stop drunk snapchatting old hook ups asking them when we're going to bang again
I had forgotten what new underwear feels like. It's as if angels descended from heaven for the sole purpose of supporting my junk.
We almost ended up sober because of u!!
I need to sleep so I can die properly tomorrow.
I swear I have some evil slut demon in me when I'm blacked out
Don't we all.
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