the star wars geek is hitting on me, and is talking about his lightsaber. need back up NOW
i now have a sippy cup solely for the purpose of drinking alcohol out of...am i an alcoholic?
getting your period on valentines day is like an extra little fuck you, now you REALLY have no chance of sex tonight.
It's chlamydia! Thank God!
She made me role-play everything from an older prof to a in-patient in need of a medical exam. Yay for cocaine.
Meet me at the corner of "what the fuck" and"how'd you get in my bed" in 10 minutes.
Amazing. Super drunk. We stole a street sign in a golf cart and went around jousting trash cans all night.
Best elective surgery ever. Having a great time ignoring girls' pleas to pull out and blowing it inside anyway. I like to watch them absolutely freak out and go batshit crazy for 20 mins before I mention the snip-snip surgery. Power trip.
We're using joints as your birthday candles
Fuck away man. Like 3% of these new people will be back next week. This is the best week of the year to slam bitches at the gym.
Bake him heart shaped cookies?!? Send him a picture of your tits like an ADULT!
So...guess who had sex tied to the ladder of a caboose under the stars in Joshua Tree? This bitch
My doctor was like "I think adderall is a great choice. It'll definitely benefit you and you say you've taken it before so you'll be fine!" \nAnd I was like "yeah bro, totally"
Well statistically J has a 1 in 3 chance of hospitalization when downtown
And a 3 for 3 for disapeearing
YOU UNCULTURED BADGER
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