Last night was so much fun. i kept trying to lick everyone
Only you could turn Mozart into a stripper song.
He told me to pretend to be a shark, and he would slay me with his harpoon cock.
I was high enough to think that mac-n-cheese w/ ketchup, tortilla chips w/ ketchup, and milk was a fancy dinner
I brought up my Bobbly Flay drinking game in the interview. Of course I got the job.
he also begged me to fake an orgasm when he couldn't get me to come.
Don't try to dry clothes in the microwave. They'll catch on fire.
Some advice...don't play drunk rock em sock em robots. With actual people. I have bruises EVERYWHERE.
She is crazy, dude. She actually bit me on the gootch.
I think I'm still a little drunk from Sunday Funday and I just changed for a date in my car. wish me luck.
So the dog chewed my vibrator last night. It added a nice new texture actually.
I worked all year for this tax return. I deserve to get my nipples pierced.
Knows all the good gay bars AND has a dog? Wtf can't I drop pizza on guys like that????
my drug dealer is also my eyebrow lady. Two birds, one stone.
We've been taking shots, cranking Marilyn Manson, and eating your bacon. Your kid is probably ruined.
Randomize
