when people say theyve been sober for however many years is that like couple beers not drunk sober, or no drinking sober?
I totally give up. Optimus Prime just fell from the top of the Great Pyramid into the hypostyle hall at Karnak.
It was one time. Now I have to constantly remind her my name is Jessica not Jizzica.
i think i recognize dicks better than faces
does it count as cheating if I'm bettering him for his girlfriend?
was his dick as big as our hopes and dreams?
drove into oncoming traffic. add a minute to my ETA
About to go out with the girl of my dreams tonight. I am looking at one of her hottest fb pics, to practice not looking at her huge tits.
I respect the size of her balls.
Yeah but I don't respect the size of her anything else.
Will the fact that I have 4 boob hickies add to or take away from tonight's outfit?
i am one UTI away from banning your fingers from my vagina
Just keep in mind that she didn't start telling you you had the largest penis she had ever seen until AFTER she found out about your multi-million-dollar trust fund.
I just pulled a seven inch black hair out of my ass. Pretty sure that means we're dating now
I blew past the Governor's motorcade going twice the speed limit and DIDN'T get a ticket. God wants me to get laid.
I almost accidentally threw him out a window during sex last night.
Randomize
