okay I'm thinking he doens't have a facebook...I'm on page 28 of Hunters
ok you need to stop NOW
When I'm drunk and can't pee, I sing my abc's in my head and try to pee before I get to pee. Last night I forgot to do it in my head
hey dont come home for a while, moms drunk and is telling the story of 'how she met dad at that orgy' again
Wackin it to the USA womens soccer team. My own personal way of saying job well done.
ok is that genuinely the first four bars of mozart's symphony #40 sharpied onto my arm or
I couldn't figure out her damn button fly jeans... IM NOT A FUCKING ENGINEER
You were running around waving the flier in everyone's face and thats how we ended up in a church eating free breakfast tacos at 3 am
I just sent him 3 long ass texts about how to tell a girl how he feels. I should get a fucking friend zone medal.
I will make you one.
Good. It needs "forever alone" engraved on it
drinking vodka, listening 2 smh at 530am slow cooking beef stew. you'll enjoy the stew and worry abt me in the morning. bon apatite
I feel you. We can get adjoining rooms. It'll be like Disney world, but with drugs and ivs instead of roller coasters and Mickey Mouse.
Which is way cooler
You are not going to get a pat on the back from me for not fucking that 40 year old again.
you take my contact solution?
drank it last night then filled it with brandy for the plane ride.
Woke up with champagne in my hair and honey mustard on my hands. Strangely, I'm okau with this
Was I trying to make a threesome happen again?!
Yep
I need to stop doing that, Im gonna get punched in the face
I texted him "my vagina is pounding for you"
I know, you made me proof read it.
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