So you know how craigslist used to have an "erotica" section? And how after you click on a link it changes a darker color? And how Dad stays up really late most nights?
Oh god... well at least he's gettin some. Mom's a prude.
The best part was that when I woke up, I poked her with my dick to wake her up, and said, "Hi, I'm Alex. Nice to meet you". Shoulda seen the look on her face. Priceless.
i woke up to my roomate hitting me in the head with a can of PBR at 8:30 in the morning...i love spring break
She just told me she blew the waiter in the bathroom. Should I still leave a tip?
You blackout rapped the entire DMX song Party Up last night at karaoke without looking at the screen. Then you Tebowed on stage, hugged a black guy, puked in a garbage can, then left. You deserve a medal.
Do you have any pix of it limp? I wanna see the metamorphosis, like a cock caterpillar turning into a giant beautiful cock butterfly!
I shit myself. Legit. And I burnt my tongue. Unrelated incidents, but related in the sense of general discomfort.
Instead of a fine and a few hours in jail he chose to get tasered, break his neck and shit his pants
I'm fine with our borderline lesbian behavior.
I just had sex on my divorce papers. I've never felt so poetic.
For a guy who came before his dick was out of his pants, he gave surprisingly good head.
I have to make calls today at work. So I'm gonna call your phone and leave some random messages. Just delete them.
The next time you scream bombs away when you are inside me will be the last time you are inside me
You thought they were asking for volunteers for a karaoke contest so you jumped up not realizing it was actually a "last 3 minutes boxing match". But you took that right hook like a champ.
You want further proof that God hates me? Okay. We're on the way to the ER. A homeless man stabbed me at the gas station.
Randomize
