Last night started off great but became the saddest day of my life when i was drunk in a hotel room eating day old mac and cheese out of a yatzee cup with a coffee lid as a spoon...
I woke up next to her this morning and couldn't remember her name. Luckily, she had written it on my hand so that I could add her on facebook.
that's not even the weird part though. he already knew where the bathroom was, he might have been here before..
Cognac is not meant to be taken in shots. I just wanted you to know the desperation of last night.
It was cool in an 'oh shit I'm gonna get arrested' way.
I'm such a fucking super-fan. I was worried his cum would wash away his autograph.
Currently emptying half-full wine bottles from fridge into my mouth and refilling with water for later. Drunk survivalist recycling!
Do you have any pix of it limp? I wanna see the metamorphosis, like a cock caterpillar turning into a giant beautiful cock butterfly!
You kept asking her which dick pills worked the best. She's a grandmother.
Some guy just drank alcohol from me shoe..I think he's had enough..
Going to be a long day. text me later. Sorry I puked in your sink.
4 out of 7 roommates in one month isn't that bad if you think about the fact that 3 of them were in the last 24 hours
I am so sorry for drunk texting you r kelly lyrics
She swallowed the key to the cuffs, I've been having to explain the pink fuzz all morning.
Not even a manhunt keeps my brother and his friends from the bars
Randomize
