Something growled at me in your dark backyard last nt. Hoping it was my landwalking laser sharks and not Andy.
Somebody was walking their dog with their car. seriously
your facebook page is a work of drunk art.
No mixer. Vodka in yogurt?
we should hire that guy that makes pancakes that we met last weekend for our next party. He can feed us, and regulate!
And then he tried to clean the throw up off my pants with 409
Do you know how hard it is to maintain a conversation with someone who just told you they put their cat in the fridge on purpose?
So high I started thinking my desktop picture of a cat was too erotic for the workplace.
started my period, we have to try again next week
if we have anymore sex before that my dick is gonna fall off. that is in no way a complaint
You can't mix blow jobs, bacon, and Star Wars.
A) just did. And b-z) that sounds like a great Sunday morning.
I just instagramed a picture of an ostrich in case you were wondering what I did with my night
I swear to god if I see a single piece of genitalia I'm driving back to LI and smacking you back to the Italian Renaissance
You get 5 min
Your time limits don't scare me, I'll include foreplay and redressing in that 5 min. If you wanted to challenge me you should say you got an hour, id be scared then and more creative.
Showing girls my stab wound was not the brilliant idea I thought it was.
oh dont worry mom i am not sick my cough is from a recent increase in recreational drug use
that will happen
Randomize
