the bitch is dead man
YOUR DOG DIED?
no i meant my mom has passed out .. so i'll be over soon.
i just went dwnstairs and there are 5 guys without their shirts on hugging each other. i think i should leave now
Being hungover naked and coloring my hair. I guess I am not naked I have black latex gloves on. Give me a call.
im coming over.
hows the new call of duty?
I only had sex with the game case so far, but that part was awesome.
I think I should just go up to him and say, "before I invest time in this could I just take a look at your penis?"
at least if we puke, we will be surrounded by beautiful, non-judgemental trees.
He pulled his pants down and said blow me, while passing out on my bed. I then pulled his pants up as he continuously started moaning in the background.
He asked me if I wanted to play "Edouard Mandevan," turns out that's French for Edward Winehands
I broke out the Krispy Kreme, and am possibly having random internet sex in less than an hour. I think I got this breakup under control.
Finals drinking + forgeting you had to take your ambien because you work at 6am mid paper= drunk logic which then entails going on a "detox" run. Puking your guts put in the field house bushes while some random guy says to you "its okay. We're marching on."
I think I just legit sprained my wrist from holding myself up while giving a blow J. God dammit come already
I just heard your voicemail. Glad you like my dick and think I'm cool
i was too drunk before they even got here. i took all their phones instead of keys and hid them in the freezerr...im an awesome party host.
Hey does the gas gauge in your car work?
Nevermind...we figured it out. Heres a more relevant question, does your insurance have roadside assistance?
am i the only one who finds it a little awkward seeing as we all made out last night?
Randomize
