I've decided through careful research we can out drink any country folk.
You were pretty fucked up... decided playing hopscotch down the stairs was an excellent idea.. it was extremely entertaining
She gave me a blow job and her mom gave me blueberry muffin afterwards. I love them.
She calls me Shortcake and bites my ear. Trust me, I'm FINE with bein the secret lesbian lover.
By the end of the cruise, there was literally nothing in our room he hadn't peed on.
He was a bulldog and my face was like rare meat. Never again with the drunken ones.
Tipped our cab with a photo booth pic of us, a paper dollar, a dollar in quarters, a crest white strip. And a tanning pass valid in boston
Vaginas creep me out. I'm disgusted by the look of them. I wonder if this is what having an ugly baby is like: you have to take care of it and love it but it just hurts you on the inside to look at it.
Everything's a blur with pockets full of jello
He gave me a trycicle he stole from a kid as an "offering" to have sex. I couldnt say no when he went through all that.
I don't mean to complain but you could have done a better job of keeping me alive last night
google maps should a have a setting for this. like I AM ABANDONING EVERYTHING TO MEET A GIRL WHO IS 10 HOURS OF MILES AWAY. HOW DO WE DO THIS OPTIMALLY?
I'm now having weird sexual fantasies about that riverdancing figure skater. So thanks for that.
OMG MY DAD TOLD ME HE MIGHT DO TINDER
I think my fortune cookie is telling me I give good blowjobs.
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