i told him i was gay. he said that gay guys are supposed to be pretty.
oh my god i am going to vomit. and little burgers wearing crowns are going to come out.
He woke up screaming about pickles. I think it's gonna be a good day.
Please just tell me how ugly she was so I can bask in the diminishingly small reassurance that might give me
The entire defensive line took care if me when I passed out. One of them even held my hair when I puked and the other carried me upstairs to bed. God I love football so much more now
This is your morning news. Today at 5 pm I will be going out of town until the 29th. If you would like some great sex before I leave, please contact me. The available packages are: a house call, an outdoor excursion, or a delivery style in-car quickie. available only while supplies last.
I don't deserve a penis
Mid stroke she told me she'd had bigger. Replied I could tell. Sex ended right at that moment.
I mean, who doesn't have an ex involved with bath salts?
why do you keep saying "she looks like a porn star" like thats a bad thing?
Ok because I want to set a new world record for how fast I can drink away my Christmas money
I texted him a series of texts in which the first letters of each text spelled out "WE SHOULD HAVE SEX". If that's not dedication to the dick, I don't know what is
Those thigh tattoos deserve the handsomest of grins between them. Dont settle.
Tbh I would eat a grilled cheese off your dick.
The last time the Patriots won the Super Bowl I lost my virginity. I can only imagine what'll happen if they win this year.
Randomize