naighbors jacking off again. i swear its his friday night ritual, its like he knows the night wont be ending in his favor
So, apparently I made everyone omelets last night. Even when I'm drunk, I'm still a trophy wife.
It's shit like that that makes me wish being deaf was contagious
I'm considering failing out of my last semester of college just so I can keep fucking him.
Your doorknob is in my back seat, in case you were looking for it.
I would think I was a stalker too if I wasn't myself
I had a moment while I was smoking where I was looking at these palm trees and I knew how dr Seuss came up with his characters.
She's just so happy...and so naked.
I just want to know what horrible accidents of evolution allowed that tiny penis to exist
My boss brought her husband's telescope to work, so all of us that work in the MMJ Dispensary got high and had an impromptu Blood Moon viewing party. I love my job.
So, got kind of drunk last night, made out with some guy, and somehow stole his credit card. Don't even know.
Aint no party like a Broke College Girls Eating Stuffed Crust Pizza party
If you break up with me one more time it's over.
we thought it would be safer to lock you in the car alone downtown than take you back home to pass out
I am watching the most amazing drunk person ever. Literally such a trooper that you can put anything in front of him he'll drink it. His latest reason for taking another shot was: well whatever. I'm never gonna get married anyway.
Randomize
