i wish i could google "things to eat in my fridge" so i wouldnt have to go downstairs and be disappointed
my boyfriend just told me he used to have genital herpes. I was gonna have sex with him, but now it's SOOO over.
what kind of stupid fuck tells you that BEFORE sex? he is definitely not a keeper.
I can get orange kush...
GET IT NOW! WHY IS THERE A DOT DOT DOT?!
Please tell me why 'cock-a-thon' was auto saved in my phone.
We're on a cock hunt. Everything is fair game.
I'm gonna have sex with my clothes on and I'll know everyone there so I'll be in my comfort zone
lesson learned.. dressing up like a naughty teacher doesn't mean you can get away with spanking a cop with a ruler for being "fresh" with you
I just bought the spice girls album. We will be doing music videos in the near future. You are our baby spice-- don't fight it
I still have the video of you three making soup in my kitchen and asking random people for permission DURING the party, not after like usually
Don't remember, didn't happen
I HAVE THE VIDEO YOU DICK IT HAPPENED
My liver is whispering mean things about me to my kidneys. It's a fucking miracle I'm not hungover. Lol
I'm way too hungover for life right now
If my vagina were a person, it just ran a marathon.
Somewhere on my work laptop I have a map visualizing all the area codes that Ludacris has ho's
I hope that wasn't done on billed time
I can guarantee that it was
My prof handed me back my essay on Lesbians in literature, gave me an A and then we had sex in her office. Told you she was gay.
New strategy for telling if someone is drunk: will they attempt to drink a candle if you put a straw in it?
Randomize
