sooo how much is appropriate to spend on a vibrator? what if it is really legit looking?
She just took off her shirt and jumped in the kiddie pool. We're not leaving.
My roommate made me a peanut butter and sprinkles sandwich. Maybe tonight isn't that bad
Kegstand on crutches, you need to get on my level.
Go for gold. Two birds with one vag.
a pizza costume came into my possession last night. needless to say i showed up to his house wearing only the pizza, shouting "delivery" into his window.
New reason to drink: alcohol makes soda taste like goddamn gold.
I did my walk of shame through a safeway at 8am to get YOUR hangover bagels. You're welcome asshole
I threw up in a pringles can. how do you think my night went.
Fine line between drunken accidental sleepover with your best friend's lab partner and gay sexathon. I did a cartwheel over that line. A CARTWHEEL THAT LANDED IN HIS LAP
I still don't know why she was so offended when I emerged from the bathroom and told her my balls were now clean.
She was dressed as a banana and told me that I needed more potassium in my diet. Of course I went down on her.
I have an empty apartment, Chinese food, and fresh batteries in my vibrator. There's nothing on this earth that could lure me out tonight.
Pretty sure I was naked for most of the night.....success
If you think me talking about that hot guy accepting my LinkedIn request is pornographic, I’m not sure how you’re gonna feel when I tell you I fucked a stranger on a park bench last weekend
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