Watching Blossom reruns on YouTube. Eating Pringles dipped in hot chocolate. Not taking this breakup well.
she just built a cabin out of hotdogs and cooked it in the microwave.
now she is shaking the plate and mumbling "this is what california must feel like"
Note to self: don't jizz on a surface cleaned with Tilex. It WILL turn purple.
I think all I remember saying is, "I love Chris Berman's voice" and then I passed out
I miss your penis. I'm telling you this as a friend, like its just a really great penis. You should be proud of it.
We told you to stay put for 2 minutes. We come back out and your being handcuffed yelling "DO YOU FEEL LIKE A GOOD FUCKING PERSON ARRESTING ME ON MY BIRTHDAY?!"
Also, turning on the light this morning was a 3 step process. Way too hungover.
I took a few sips of my hugeee bottle of liquid Vicodin and smoked my one hitter and now I'm going thru my attic like Indiana Jones
don't trust your eyes. just sniff them. if they smell like axe, they are broke, move on to the next.
Just got gas in my car for the first time while high. Went better than expected.
Your lack of enthusiasm for my exciting news of drunken debauchery with an otherwise occupied vagina of one of my greatest conquests yet disturbs me. I'm not happy with you
I'd go lesbian for $50 and a good phone case.
To get him to come she paid for his uber and promised that someone in the house would give him head. it worked
I'm floating on a rainbow and a purple elf is giving me advice. COME NOW!!!
they just got in argument over who had more of your dick pics. quit sending shit to my sisters fucker
Randomize
