oh wait, my morality sensor is a little fucked up since I almost let my little sister's friend blow me.
your dick doesn't do me any good in arizona
How do you say "I always respond to booty calls" when you give a guy your number?
just saw the guy i hooked up with last nights' face on a billboard. win.
This is the first time since last march I'm gonna be going to a class for more reasons than wanting to bone the girl sitting next to me.
SURVIVED FINALS. CAN'T DIE FROM ALCOHOL POISONING. NOTHER SHOT. CAPS.
Im in search of the perfect penis, it would be unethical for me not to test run them.
Theres a live mouse in the toilet. Goddamn you this is why I don't party here
I think god is proud of me so he is rewarding me in discounted wine
Dude in front of me just jumped out of line at Starbucks to go puke. Vegas in prime form.
i just feel like the statute of limitations for admitting i plowed through her car last night was up a couple hours ago
I have reached the point in my life where I realized this is what I'm going to do for the rest of my life. Eat, shit , bar, drink, drank, drunk.
you walked around drinking beer out of a plunger and telling people it was a goblet...
You burped in your shoe and whispered 'you're mine now'
I woke up with pitch black feet and crushed doritos around my mouth. That's how I determined how my night went
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