the red head has a bf
just because there's a goalie doesn't mean u can't score
I just want you to know that me val and amanda are drinking on top of a hill lookig at the chicago skyline drinking icehouse and we just peed in public.
My booty call said shes done doing the walk of shame. Wtf is that?
It's what anyone that sleeps with you, specifically, does when they leave. Some do it even when they just think of you.
Only at my house do scrabble games turn into fist fights. I won though... the fight not the board game.
My new apartment is within walking distance of both the liquor store and the chinese buffet. This is either going to be my worst life choice ever or my best.
I imagine the nuva ring like a bug zapper. It just kills them all.
i cant text you anymore tonight, God gave me two hands for two cups
He just said he was the Jesus of alcoholics.
I swear it started with good intentions but then my slutty side took over and we started playing strip checkers
If you ever get the opportunity, make fun of how small his dick is for me
Counseling BFF to break up with her BF. We will get that 3-way
HE WAS DRESSED LIKE A FISHERMAN AND HE WAS LIKE OH SHIT I THINK I JUST FOUND THE DEADLIEST CATCH i couldnt not go for it my honour compelled me
they asked me about my neuroscience major and I said 'the brain is the outer space of the body' and passed out. it appears my ivy league education is not going to waste
I woke up with my face covered in mustard. Your mom said I ate hotdogs like a pornstar
So how does one go about leaving their family vacation to hang out with someone they met on tinder
Randomize
