What do you call a girl with PMS and GPS?
A crazy bitch that WILL find your ass!
All my problems are solved. I just got McDonalds and scratch off lottery tickets.
miscarriage! now THATS a gift from god.
A guy in a big stork costume just came to our meeting to give us condoms and t-shirts telling us not to get pregnant. Only at college
I swear to god I'm going to hunt down and stab the next telemarketer that calls from a blocked number while I'm waiting for my STD results...
Fuck Spring. The birds chirping at 4am make me feel unnatural for still being up and drunk.
Since when does sleeping with your RA not result in free meal swipes? I feel so tricked...
My summer fucks are coming back to haunt me with a vengeance.
He thought he was drowning because he was drinking water and intentionally holding his breath. Dear god what did you get me in to.
Oh and now he's calling me Brohammed Ali.
It's not a good hook up if during you're thinking "how will this damage me psychologically"
There's two sisters at this place and they look competitive. Try for a threesome tonight?
Waxing your own asshole is awkward and difficult at best.
dude pick up your phone
i cant. im high and theres a wild turkey in my backyard. wouldnt miss this moment for anything
I just wanna fuck your brother. Sorry if thats a crime.
Just make sure you put pants on
....then im not going
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